Here are the monologues for the young kids, and they might be usable for older kids who are inexperienced. They all should run 90 seconds or less. They’re the same ones used last year.
#1, Boy or Girl:
Before we moved here, we had this big dog named Scout. Mom always said he was a total mutt, but I think he was also part collie. And maybe part golden retriever. But he was definitely at least half mutt. Scout was supposed to be the whole family’s dog, but he was really mine. I mean, after school, it was me he would be waiting for. And when anyone threw his ball, I’m the one he always brought it back to. And at night, it was always my bed he slept in. But before we moved here, my Mom found out we weren’t allowed to have any pets, so we had to give him away to my cousins. I don’t really talk about it, but sometimes I dream about Scout. He’s got his ball in his mouth and he’s looking for me. And I’m saying, “Here, Scout. I’m right here.” But he doesn’t hear me, and he can’t see me, and I’m saying, “I’m right here. Scout. I’m right here.” And then, I don’t know, I guess I wake up . . . I don’t know if Scout dreams about me.
#2, Boy or Girl:
I saw on the Discovery Channel where a long time ago, before the beginning of time, the entire universe was as small as the head of a pin. And everything was inside it. Stars, planets, houses, people, cars – other pins. Everything in the universe. And then one day, this head of a pin just exploded and everything came out at like a million degrees hot and million miles an hour. And all the stars and planets and people and cars just kept getting bigger and bigger, until they filled up all of space and all of time, just burning and melting and spinning. And as soon as I heard that, I knew that I was just like that pin, and that one day I’m gonna explode too. And when I do, fire and stars and whole worlds will come out of me and they’ll be a million degrees hot and they’ll travel so far and so fast that I’ll never have to come back here again. Not ever . . . Not ever.
#3, Girl, older:
Oh Daaaaaaad!…Do we have to go to Grandma’s house? I don’t know what makes you think going to Grandma’s house is so much fun, you get up early and polish the car like we’re going someplace cool, like the beach..Is it just me, or does her house smell like an old antique store couch…Yuk! And besides that, I’m the one she latches onto, to listen to all her old stories…well, I’m sorry if I can’t appreciate her “WISDOM” right now…and Dad, let’s face it, even you can admit the lady’s a little bit crazy. One day I was going into the kitchen to get myself a drink and I heard her talking to somebody, I didn’t want to disturb her, so I was really quiet. She was asking Grandpa how much salt he’d like in the stew,…..and he’s been dead for ten years! I mean, come on! And another thing, I’m sorry, but her cooking is awful too…and OH!…OH!…and what was that disgusting stuff she made us last time for supper…BOILED OKRA?…That’s just wrong! It felt like a hairy clam going down my throat. It took me three or four sips of Coke after each bite to get it down, and stay down….eeeeew I can still taste it! Dad can’t we just skip this visit? I mean, Christmas is only four months away. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if we just called her…..Pleeease!
#4, Boy: I don’t care if it IS my cousin’s birthday. No, mom, no, no! You remember what happened the last time we went to Aunt Sally’s? They set me on fire. I’m an actor. And sure, last time it was just my pants. But what if next time it’s my face? This is the money maker. This is how I get the jobs. I’m not that good an actor; I know that and I’m man enough to admit it. Don’t you look at me like that. Don’t you look at me! Fine. Fine. I’ll go. But one thing happens and I’m gone.
#5, Boy: Another sister?! Who asked me if I wanted a sister? I already have three, why do you feel the need to add to your collection? Mom—Dad let’s stop and really talk about this…I mean, I thought we had a good thing going, y’know? You and me, and after all the girls are gone…just me. Remember that? I mean, ma—I hate to state the obvious, but don’t you think you’re a little old to be chasing after 5 kids? And girls? Have you thought of the wedding bills, dad? Honestly, I’m disappointed in both of you…. My life is over!